Week 13-14

I guess I'm just going to be really honest with this blog.  After all, it's supposed to be about my journey and this is part of it.  So here it goes...

Last week, was the roughest by far.  I found out some pretty devastating news involving our family.  Have you ever felt like crawling under the covers and not emerging for days?  Well, that was me.  Shocker, huh?  After all, I'm supposably one of the toughest, strongest people you've ever met.  Truth be known, even the strongest people fall down.  The only difference?  Strong people get back up.  In my weakest moment last week, it even crossed my mind to withdraw from Lake Placid.  Just throw away months of training and a once in a life time race that would mean the world to me.  Give up. Why didn't I succumb to these thoughts?  Because of my internal drive.  The reason why I get up at the crack of dawn to swim.  The reason why I spend hours on my bike.  I'm doing this for a bigger reason.

Let me fast forward to Saturday's training to put it into perspective for you...

I woke up at 6:00 am and decided to get on my bike trainer for 1/2 of my four hour ride.  My husband works nights and I wanted him to rest instead making him wake up and take care of the girls.  Next thing I know four hours goes by... just a short time ago I wouldn't have EVER thought about riding a trainer that long.  Honestly, it didn't even feel that long.  I had it in a gear that still gave me resistance and I was dripping with sweat by the time I got finished.  Anyway, while I'm on the bike Kylie awakes.    I get ready to head out the door for my run and go to the bathroom before I leave.  What do I find?  Throw up that hasn't been flushed.  Did Kylie say anything about it?  Complain?  Get upset?  No.  I had to actually ask her if she did and if she was ok.  Yes, she said-like it didn't even phase her.  I head out the door.  Normally, I don't wear my headphones because I can't listen to music on IM day.  I'm trying to get used to the silence.  This day, I decide to take them with me.

I'm about a mile into my run when "Shout to the Lord" comes on.  Normally, I skip these type of songs when I'm running because I want to listen to the upbeat stuff.  (I don't have playlists set up and its pretty common for Disney Princess to pop up as well.)  Anyway, I decide to turn it up and listen.  Of course, while I'm running I'm thinking about the devastating news from last week and my journey.  Next thing I know I have a feeling inside of my body that is overwhelming, kind of like the chills.  It engulfs me.  I start bursting into tears, yes, I'm still running.  Next thing I know, I can't feel my legs.  This continues for the next several miles.  I know this sounds very strange and nothing like this has ever happened to me.  But, it was real.  I do have a lot of faith in the Lord and typically don't share things like this. I don't think I could be as strong as I am without Him.  I've been through a lot, as a mom, since Kylie was diagnosed with NF.  And that's just Kylie.  I have Katelyn that I worry about as well.

But, I know without Him, this journey wouldn't be possible.

I guess the reason why I'm sharing all of this is just to say that this is a huge journey for me and for my family.  My husband works nights.  Most of the time it's the girls and I.  Between being a mom, extracurricular activities and a full-time job, sometimes training seems a bit overwhelming.  There are days that I don't have time to fit in my entire work out.  There are days that I walk into work exhausted before the day even begins.  But you know what?  I will be in Mirror Lake on July 28th starting a race with many others who have beautiful stories.  My journey is only one of them.  I will be doing this for NF.  God will be watching over me and I will finish in under 17 hours.  It is going to hurt and I will cry.  And it will be all worth it.